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MAC Lipsticks: A Starter Guide


I fucking love MAC lipsticks. For fifteen bucks, you get a vanilla scent, relative moisture, high-pigmentation, lasting color and also pure evil hot sex appeal. It’s definitely cheaper than other high-end products, too. However, every time I go to a Macy’s or MAC store I have a heart attack when I see all the colors. TOO MUCH. I’ve compiled a pretty basic starter guide to the most popular (and my fave) MAC shades, so if you are diving in you have a bit of a bright-orange-or-pink life vest:


1. Ruby Woo/RiRi Woo Retro Matte Lipstick: Best true red for dark and light skin and the classic of all MAC reds. Very matte so it does not “shine bright like a diamond” damn I make a lot of Rihanna jokes. The matte kind is the one that can dry out your lips, so make sure to moisturize before application, either with chapstick or maple syrup (kidding). I bet Rihanna wears this while smoking weed on an island in Bali, but we have to wear this while eating eggs sadly and quietly in a diner.


2. Rebel Satin Lipstick: This semi-matte lipstick is, quite frankly, my favorite lipstick of all time. It’s like rubbing berries all over your lips but in a sexy way. It’s a perfect shade of wine, which looks good on all skin tones. Don’t rub wine on your lips like I do. Soon, nobody will talk to you and you will realize you’ve been dead for years, mummified on the couch while watching reruns of Boy Meets World. What am I saying? Wine makes everything better, even if we all eventually die alone.


3. Diva Matte Lipstick: Man, Diva is a stupid word. But this lipstick isn’t stupid at all. It’s a deep, almost cranberry red. Not in the true sense of cranberry, but the color you associate with cranberry when you think of fall color schemes in tablescapes you will never manage to pull off for Thanksgiving. When I see this color, I think of meeting a man at a very expensive hotel bar, putting a gun to his back, and telling him “they’re looking for you. Come with me!” Am I good or bad? Watch and find out! You’re kidnapping Daniel Craig!


4. Film Noir: This lipstick is a reddish-brown and is exactly the kind of lipstick you would wear if you turned up dead in the 1920’s. For some reason, this appeals to me. I imagine wearing this as I enter the detective’s office where he talks about my nice gams and then solves my eventual murder.

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